Government Services
Attention: The P.I.M.S. is currently updating the Vital Records system. The new system will be available on May 4, 2026. Until then, the Vital Records application system will be down. Thank you for understanding.
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Poop Island Government Website Portal:
I've just had a child. What next?
I've just had a child. What next?
Step 1:
Step 1:
Apply for an official Poop Island birth certificate
Children miscarried or that had died at birth will only be issued birth certificates.
Step 2:
Step 2:
Once you receive your birth certificate, you can print out as many copies as you need. You will receive it via email. Make sure to keep good track of this.
Step 3:
Step 3:
Make sure you applied for fair maternity or paternity leave at your place of work or school. All such facilities are required by law to offer up to 6 months of maternity or paternity leave and can be fined. Find a relief fund or way to take legal action against such facility here.
Someone has just passed away and I am responsible for their estate. What next?
Someone has just passed away and I am responsible for their estate. What next?
Step 1:
Step 1:
Apply for a Poop Island Death Certificate. If the person in question had died at birth, or within 15 days of birth, Poop Island does not issue death certificates. Please submit a birth certificate in the section above. Sumbit a death certificate here.
Step 2:
Step 2:
Make sure you have plans for burial, cremation, or removal. The Poop Island Government does not offer services like burial or cremation, so you will have to deal with an external funeral home or crematory. If the person who had died was an active servicemember, please fill out this form to qualify for free or discounted burial, cremation, or funeral arrangements. If the servicemember was never found, there is no need for any of this, as the Poop Island Government will handle it.
Step 3:
Now it is time to handle one's estate. Poop Island law requires that the estate of someone must be handled within four months of their death or else the government confiscates it. Report to your local Branch Courthouse and drop off their will and a contact sheet (Printed document with your name, relationship to the deceased, phone number, and email address.) This can be as simple as a Google document. You will appear in court for probate.
Step 4:
Now it is time to "close" the estate. This involves, if you haven't already, filing for deceased pension claims, closing online accounts, etc. You will have to contact the company that provided the pension. If they worked for the government, as soon as Poop island receives the death certificate the pension should go to the nearest relative (spouse, child, etc.) within fifteen days.
I would like to subscribe to telephone/television services. How?
I would like to subscribe to telephone/television services. How?
See this page.
I would like to access a Poop Island Grave Finder.
I would like to access a Poop Island Grave Finder.
See this page.
I would like to submit an anonymous tip.
I would like to submit an anonymous tip.
Anonymous or not, tips for crimes can be submitted here.
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